When You're Alone
by Emmel1118
Summary: Multi-chapter story about Sam/Dylan.
1. Chapter 1

**When You're Alone**

Present day is in normal text and the past is in _italics_. 

* * *

Chapter 1

Sam's Flat - Holby

A blank wall greeted Sam when she opened her eyes. She stretched her legs and sat up. She pulled the covers back and climbed out of the bed. She had a thumping head ache; she'd most definitely had too much to drink last night. She hadn't gone out with her colleagues from the E.D., instead she had come back to her flat - she didn't consider it a home - and drunk into the earlier hours of the morning, alone. She had been drinking to forget, and it was a dangerous reason. All Sam wanted was someone to hold her at night and tell her everything was going to be all right - all she wanted was Dylan as he had done both those things during their marriage. She hadn't meant to fall in love with him, she just had. She also hadn't meant to break his heart, she just had.

She arrived at the E.D. twenty minutes later. As she entered the building of her work, Dylan appeared beside her. "Rough night, eh?" He asked, turning to face her.

"Is it that obvious?" She asked him, and Dylan smiled.

"I was married to you." Dylan replied, indignantly. "I learnt to tell." Sam laughed, as they arrived in the bustling reception area.

"Dylan, Sam, can you hurry up, please. You're late already." Nick said, coming up behind them.

"Of course." Sam answered, walking off. Dylan followed her.

If he'd been told before he had met Sam that Dylan was married, he would have felt sorry for the woman who had to live with him but it was obvious to him that she was completely fine fighting her own battles – and that she was completely, utterly in love with her husband still. Dylan hadn't seemed to grasp the fact that his wife – or was it ex now? – was still in love with him. Other people were starting to notice – Dixie and Jeff to start with- and Nick was counting down the minutes till Dylan realised. He still hoped that their marriage could be saved, the question was would Sam let it be fixed?

* * *

_St Paul's Hospital - London _

_"Dr Keogh – Dylan - you can come in now." Dr David Norris, the clinical lead at St Paul's Hospital, called to Dylan, who had been waiting outside his office for close on twenty minutes now - twenty minutes since the end of his shift. Dylan entered the room and was surprised to see Miriam Turner, his former mentor, sitting in one of two available seat opposite Dr Norris' desk. _

_"Miriam, how nice to see you." Dylan said, trying half-heartedly to sound cheerful but failing miserably._

_"Nice to see you too, Dylan." Miriam didn't even have to try to sound cheerful, it was her default setting._

_"Well, now we can get on to why you are here." He gestured at Dylan. "Miriam and I have talked and we have both agreed that to improve your development as a doctor you should take on a mentee." _

_"Did I just here you right?" Dylan was blunt and straight to the point. "I don't want to be a mentor. It will be some stupid person who things they're going to be the best doctor in the world but probably faints at the sight of blood." Dylan lamented. _

_"Actually Dylan, she is the best student in her class and she has a very bright future ahead of her." Miriam told him._

_"I don't want a mentee." Dylan said, knowing full well he sounded like a stubborn child. _

_"Her name is Samantha Nicholls and she wants to specialise in emergency medicine. It says here that she is very stubborn and is very calm in the face of danger. I want you to rise to this challenge and take Miss Nicholls on. Stop being a child, Dylan and this will make you a better doctor." Dr Norris stated. "She will be coming in three weeks, Dylan and you will mentor her." Dr Norris finished._

_"I guess." Dylan coaxed out of his mouth after a short period of thinking. _

_"Thank you, Dylan. Prepare as you wish." Dr Norris told him. Dylan nodded and left the room. _

_"How do you think he'll get on?" Dr Norris directed his words at Miriam. _

_"I think he'll rise to it and excel, like he had done with most things." Dr Norris nodded in agreement. _

_"Thanks, Miriam." Dr Norris told the other doctor. _

_"It's fine, David. I want to help him." Miriam disclosed._

* * *

_"Dr Keogh?" Miriam asked Dylan, who had a vacant expression on his face. "Dr Keogh, you remember I told you that Dr Norris and I had decided that you could use the experience from mentoring a student?" Dylan made a gruff noise that Miriam took as a yes. "Well, this is your student, her name is Samantha Nicholls." Miriam continued. She turned away and leant into Sam. "Good luck." _

_"Well, Samantha, I haven't done this yet so just please do as I say." He gruffly told her. "I hope she doesn't faint at the sight of blood." He muttered to himself but Sam heard him._

_"Nope, I don't." Dylan shook his head. "Please don't judge me on how I look, I'll show you – I'm going to be a doctor – okay, no matter what you think." Dylan smiled at this girl – what was her name Sandra, Sally? Wait it was Samantha- and her feistiness. _

_"We'll get on fine, Samantha." Dylan told her._

_"It's Sam." She said, with the same determination._

* * *

Holby City Hospital E.D. – Holby

"Sam?" Nick called across the crowded E.D.

"What?" Sam bluntly replied. Nick slightly shook his head.

"The paramedics are one down and I thought you could go with them on call today." Nick inquired.

"That's fine." Sam turned and left Nick.

Five minutes later, she was crossing the forecourt and had nearly arrived at the ambulance when Dixie's radio went off.

"Ambulance 3402?" The radio blared.

"Ambulance 3402 here." Dixie called into the device.

"A thirty year old male has collapsed at the Luxbridge Football Stadium. Suspected epileptic fit. Dixie nodded and they climbed into the ambulance.

"That's fine." Dixie replied. The older woman looked at Sam. She noted that she was very pale and had black rings around her eyes. "You all right Sam?" Sam nodded, rubbing her eyes.

"You better be on top form today, princess!" Jeff called from the front seat.

"Don't worry, I will." Sam answered with some of her usual determination but it was quite all there. Dixie wondered what was up with Sam.

"Let's go." Jeff called as they piled out of the ambulance. Sam pounded up the stairs with Dixie and Jeff close on her heels. She turned a corner and there was the man. Sam raced up to his side, Dixie running to the other side of him. The man was struggling to get up.

"Just lie down and relax." Sam told him.

"What's your name, love?" Dixie asked him. They were busying themselves checking him over.

"Daniel…Lannigen." The man stuttered out.

"Daniel, do you have epilepsy?" Sam asked him. He violently shook his head. "Okay, calm down. Does anyone in your family have epilepsy?" Daniel shook his head again. "Well, I believe that you might have-" He cut her off.

"There is no way in hell I have epilepsy!" He screamed. Sam recoiled and sat on her haunches, staring at him.

"I am trying to help you, so you could help me by accepting that, thank you." Sam spoke in a sharp tone.

"I don't care." Daniel replied. Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Dixie, we can't treat time wasters when a person could be dying." Sam stood up and started to walk away.

"Sam! Sam!" Jeff ran up beside her. "Please." He begged.

"Sam, walk away now and I will report you." Dixie had stood up. Sam froze, she couldn't lose this job, it was all she had now. She turned and went back down to the floor. "Please, Daniel, be a bit more cooperative." Dixie pleaded.

* * *

Sam was standing chatting to Dixie. Their shifts had just finished. "Do you want to come out for drinks tonight? Tom managed to convince Dylan to come tonight." Sam's head snapped up at the mention of her husband.

"I'll come then." She was mainly going to keep an eye on Dylan, she knew most of all what happened when Dylan was drunk.

"Sam, you all right?" Nick asked, walking up to them and noting how pale the blonde was. She nodded.

"Nick, can I have a word, please?" Dixie asked him. After words she mouthed 'it's about Sam' to Nick.

"Of course, Dixie, my pleasure." He gestured and they walked into his office.

"See you, Dix." Sam called after the departing pair.

"What's up, Dixie?" Nick asked, and there was concern in his tone.

"Something's up with Sam, she could hardly concentrate today and she has been very pale. I'm worrying, Nick. I know she's strong and all that, but she's struggling and I think it's because of Dylan. It's obvious if you know her that she still loves him, she's too proud to admit it. I don't know why they separated but I think that oaf should realise before he loses her for good." Dixie relayed to her boss.

"She's too proud to admit that she's still in love with her husband? It's strange how it works out, doesn't it?" Nick inquired. Dixie nodded.

"Can you keep an eye out and please have a word with Dylan." Dixie asked. This time it was Nick who nodded. "Are you coming for drinks? Dylan's coming so you could talk to him then." Dixie questioned her boss.

"Sorry, Dix, but I've got paper work to do. I'll talk to him tomorrow." Dixie nodded and left the room.

* * *

The group that entered the pub consisted of the main bulk of the staff of the Holby E.D. Sam usually made and excuse not to come, and so did Dylan but for some reason Dylan had decided to come today.

As the night spiralled on, Sam got drunker and drunker. She knew in the part of her brain not clouded by alcohol, that it bad to get this drunk but she waved the thought away. She still kept an eye on Dylan, who had one pint and then started drinking lemonade. There was no way Dylan was getting drunk. Sam was happy that Dylan wasn't getting drunk as she knew how angry he could get whilst under the influence.

"You're drunk, Sam." Sam had gone over to Dylan.

"So what?" She replied. Dylan shook his head. "This reminds me of..." She stopped herself before Dylan scolded her for going back down memory lane. To her surprise he didn't.

"I'd had a bad day and you invited me out to the pub with some of your mates." Dylan continued the story.

"And we both got so drunk, didn't we?" Sam added.

"So much that we didn't remember what happened when we woke up in the morning." Dylan continued.

"But it wasn't too hard to fill in the gaps was it, Dylan?" Sam asked and Dylan had gone bright red. They both started laughing and several heads turned in their direction. "I'm going home." Sam announced.

"You're not driving in that state." Dylan scolded.

"Of course not, I'll walk." Sam replied, annoyance in her tone.

"I'll walk you home." Dylan announced his own plan.

"Dylan, I'm not a child." Sam told him.

"I know. Still won't stop me." Dylan replied. Sam shook her head and stood up. Dylan stood up too.

Outside in the cold of the evening, Sam and Dylan stood making idle chat whilst waiting for something, neither quite sure what. "I missed you." Sam admitted, after they had been standing in the street for a while.

"Sam, please, don't make this more difficult than it is at the moment." Dylan tried to reason with her, but it didn't work as a couple of seconds later Sam leant in to kiss him.

* * *

**I've worked hard at making this long and interesting so I hope you like it. Chapter two will be up soon, I hope! Reviews are welcome! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, chapter 2 is here! By the way, CharlieSpike18 if you want to know where I got the idea to eat cereal out of a mug from, watch Dylan's first episode, then you'll know!**

* * *

It was the second day in a row that Sam Nicholls had woken with a thumping headache, due to too much alcohol consumption. This morning was different, as Sam opened her eyes she was greeted by the frowning face of husband. In those first seconds, Sam felt as if the last year had not happened and they hadn't separated. Dylan was standing in the doorway, the frown etched on his face. "What's wrong?" Sam asked, after she had digested the fact that he was standing there.

"What do you think?" Dylan's tone was angry, but he was trying to keep it under control. Sam looked back up at him, memories from the night before coming tumbling back. Gasping she brought her hand up to her face.

"I'm so-" Sam started but Dylan cut her off. He shook his head, solemnly and turned and walked away. They had never been very good at discussing their feelings and Sam believed this night would never be discussed again, if Dylan had his way. Wincing, she stood up, her head was killing her. She pulled her clothes off the floor and dressed quickly. She stumbled through the doorway and into the main section of the boat. Though the house was different - it was a boat for one – Dylan had placed things in the same place. Her brow creased in confusion as she swept the area. There was no trace of her in the boat at all, she hadn't expected there to be and she didn't know why but that thought nearly brought tears to her eyes. It was unsurprising really, but it didn't stop it hurting. Then she saw it, a gold band sitting on a shelf. It was this that brought the threatened tears in to actuality.

"Sam, what's up?" Dylan said, breezing into the room, unaware of the emotional turmoil his estranged wife was going through. Sam shook her head and rubbed fiercely at her eyes, stopping the tears.

"Nothing." She said. "Are we going to-" He interrupted her.

"No." He said, his eyes fixing on to hers. She slowly nodded her head. They had always been better at reading each other than speaking aloud.

"I'll leave then." She intently watched his face as she finished her sentence. He shrugged his shoulders. His lack of emotion nearly set the tears off again. God why was she so emotional today? She turned on her heels and leant down and pulled her shoes on, gently cursing her choice in footwear. She froze when she saw the ring again, but shook of the effect the lonely band - that had once meant so much to her husband, sitting, dusty on a shelf in his home - had on her. She swung the door open and emerged out in to a beautiful, crisp morning. She wandered down the path, knowing the way to her flat because she had run this route in the past. She passed more boats as she walked down the tow path. She suddenly glanced down at her watch. 6:55 am it read. Her shift started at half seven.

As she walked up to the door of her flat it finally hit her. She'd had a drunken one-night stand with her estranged husband. She wondered what effect it would have on their already strained relationship, if it would now disintegrate, or start healing itself.

* * *

_St Paul's Hospital – London: 6 Months Later_

_Dylan was impatiently taping his fingers on the wooden table in front of him. He'd been waiting outside Dr Norris' office for the best part of half an hour. A couple of seconds later, Dr Norris emerged from his office. His face was haggard and grey and his skin was stretched tight over his bones. "Dylan, come in." Dylan noted the sharp tone that Dr Norris had used and the fact that he hadn't said please. He had known Dr Norris for several years now and he was always courteous and kind. This didn't bode well._

_He walked, cautiously, in to the office. Dr Norris was close on fifty with a wife and two kids, and pictures of them adorned the walls. Dylan sat down in one of the available seats opposite his desk. "Miss Nicholls is currently talking to Dr Turner." Again Dr Norris' tone was sharp. Dylan's brow creased in confusion, why was Miriam talking to Sam? "How could you be such an idiot?" Dr Norris' spoke quietly but with intention and a hint of disappointment crept into his tone. _

_"__I have been reliably informed that I am not an idiot, by you yourself." Dylan raised an eyebrow, whilst speaking. _

_"__Dylan, this is not the time." The sharp tone was back. Dylan was starting to get worried, what if they'd found out about- no he shoved that possibility from his head only to be proved correct a few seconds later. "If I'd given you any other student, would she have ended up in your bed like she has?" Dr Norris was angry now and Dylan could hear the anger in his voice. Dylan, usually supremely confident, had sunk back into his chair. "She has an extremely bright future and you could have ruined it for her!" He told Dylan, trying and failing to keep his temper. _

_"__I have done nothing of the sort." Dylan replied, shortly. "It was not my intention to sleep with my mentee but it has happened and you cannot change the fact. It has not affect my ability to mark her work-" Dylan continued but Dr Norris interrupted him. _

_"__Of course it, Dylan. If the GMC hear about this it could be the end of you and her. It depends on what spin they decide to take; the older mentor seducing his vulnerable student or the manipulative student who is sleeping her way to the top, which would you rather, Dylan? The end of you or the end of her?" Dr Norris' delivered his lines with a crisp precision. _

_"__Why can't you just accept that I've fallen in love with her?" Dylan's tone was quiet and there was also a quiet anger in it. Unbeknownst to Dr Norris this was the first time Dylan had admitted the fact. Dr Norris was blown backwards by Dylan's words; he leant his head back and whistled softly. _

_"__You've fallen hard." Dr Norris stated. Dylan shrugged._

_"__I know Sam feels the same way." Dylan replied, quickly. _

_"__She's told you this?" Dr Norris asked his brow creasing._

_"__No, but this is special, Dr Norris. We are both consenting adult, so I-" Dylan was interrupted by the door banging open. Dylan turned his head to see Sam bound in, tears slipping down her face. "Sam!" Dylan called and he opened his arms and Sam fell into them. Miriam stood in the doorway, staring at the couple. She slowly turned her head so she was looking Dr Norris in the eye. She raised an eyebrow. Sam removed her head from his chest and stood up straight, but Miriam noticed that their fingers were still intertwined. The whole room was deathly silent, and then Dr Norris reached up to his faced and pulled his glasses off. He started to clean them as Dylan spoke. "Do you really think I meant to, David?" Dylan addressed Dr Norris by his first time and his tone was questioning._

_"__I've known you a long time and I definitely didn't think this could happen. Do really think your relationship will last - remember you are not a person who commits easily, are you Dylan?" Miriam spoke from the doorway. Dylan had turned to face her when Dr Norris spoke._

_"__No, I don't think you would mean to fall in love with her." He hesitated before asking a question. "How long?" He inquired. His eyes studied Dylan's face as he considered the question. Dylan briefly closed his eyes and then spoke. _

_"__Four months." He answered. Nobody spoke for a while, everyone digested the news. Sam's eyes found Dylan's and they did what they did best, speak without words. "Will you report us to the GMC? If you do, blame me." At Dylan's last words Sam started to talk._

_"__No way. Blame me. I don't want to be the end of you." Sam boldly said. Dr Norris shook his head. _

_"__I'm not going to report you. I know Miriam won't. You are two of my best doctors, you work very well together. Dylan – don't let this get in the way of marking her work – unbiased. I expect you to work even harder to prove to me that you are good enough doctors to work in this hospital." Dr Norris replaced the glasses on his face and stood up. "I wish you luck." He reached a hand out and Dylan shook it._

_"__Thank you." Dylan said, quietly. _

* * *

Sam had spent a long, tiring day trying to avoid Dylan, and the awkwardness this cause. She was sitting in the staffroom, having just collected her things to take home with her. She now believed that the new situation was going to break them apart even further. Her pride got in the way of admitting the fact that she was in love with him – in truth she had never stopped. She had now realised that he regarded her with contempt and the love that once inhabited his eyes had gone. She had tried and failed to fix their broken relationship. She pulled her phone out and almost called the solicitors- her reasoning being she had to give him freedom. She had to set him free, but she couldn't find it within herself to. She still loved him, but at this moment in time it felt more like a curse than a blessing. She put her phone in her pocket and stood up just as Zoe walked in to the staff room. "Why is it so busy?" Zoe moaned. Sam shook her head and brushed passed her and out of staffroom. She glanced Dylan as she walked through the doors.

As she walked across the car park she realised that there was someone standing next to her. She glanced sideways and saw Tom walking in step with her. "Hi, Tom." Tom smiled and then spoke.

"We're going to the pub, come with?" Tom asked, excitement lighting up his eyes. Sam sighed and shook her head. There was no way that she was waking up for the third day in a row with a thumping headache and a hangover. Sam saw Tom's shoulders sink. "That's fine." He said, turning and walking off.

Sam arrived back at her flat ten minutes later. She swung open the door and dumped her stuff in the hall. She resisted grabbing an alcoholic drink, and slumped on the sofa. She didn't have a T.V. so she just sat there, immersed in memories. It didn't take long for Sam to realise she was crying. She was broken, forever in love with a man who didn't even give a damn anymore. The worse thing? She could of saved herself from this hurt. It was her fault. She had broken him, and she could hardly take it any longer.

* * *

**Chapter 2 is here, sorry for the wait. I'd love to say that the next chapter will definitely be up quicker than this one is but I can't so sorry! Hope you enjoy, oh and thanks for all your lovely reviews! **


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